I have discovered something new about myself lately, well maybe not new , but rather clarity about a part of me that I allow worry, misery and doubt to dwell...relationships. I do not like admitting this, as I feel that I should be past this in my life with all that has taken place in the last year or so, but alas I am not. It seems to have hit me with full force in the last month or so as after I presented my journey at a Nurtured Heart Approach Global Summit in June, but especially as I started writing a book on my journey from head to heart!
I recognize it as something that can consume me and if I allow it make me doubt who I am, and also read negatively onto what others are "thinking" if they do not respond to me in a certain way. The truth is, none of it is truth, but rather insecurity. Yes, I could blame my past with my upbringing and lack of relationship, or my failed marriage, or friendships that have come and then gone....but in reality I would just be making excuses to not move from my head to my heart and if I blame these things I am making myself a victim ( I hate this word) of my past versus a fearless warrior of my present and future.
So how do I deal with this? Honestly, it sometimes takes me a day or two to stop listening to the voice in my head saying to me "they are mad at you, they do not want to be your friend, they are "ditching" you, they have had enough, " and to move back into my heart to where I know the truth. This issue is a trust issue, not me not trusting my friends, but me not trusting myself to be worthy of true, long-lasting, healthy friendships. In so doing, I at times will try to sabotage these relationships to protect myself, and to prove to my head I was right all the while my heart is saying, relax, you know better, allow yourself to trust. Mind you, this is not with I just met you relationships, but ones that are developed and solid.
The good news in all of this is that I can hear my heart through this process and while my head is trying to drown it out to pull me into myself and doubt, my heart is saying remember you are fearless, you can trust yourself and others, relax! Ultimately, my heart wins through this process and a calm settles in. What I hate is all the feelings I allow to happen before I get to the calm, but I know how to get to the calm and the process of listening to my heart and shutting up my head is getting shorter each time I walk through this.
This is life my friends...we think we should be at a certain place and then "wham" we get pulled back into a place we do not want to be. However, the real strength, the real growth in this is that you get to choose to walk through it and move forward as a stronger person and more in tune with your heart and your greatness each time! I know from experience this to be true as I have just walked through this once again this week! While, I would like my friends to "coddle" me and reassure me, I know it is better when they do not because as I walk through the doubt and get to the truth by myself I OWN it, not them!
What is it in your life that you need to apply fearlessness and greatness to? It does not make you weak, or a failure, but instead one who is on a journey to greatness is all areas of life! Remember, life is not a destination, but a journey, there will be setbacks along the way, but who will you listen too the voice in your head that leads to worry, misery and doubt, or to your heat that leads you to greatness? The choice is yours, I choose the heart!
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