Launching - The Next Phase of the Journey

So I have successfully raised two daughters as a single parent into adulthood.  It has been a challenging, but rewarding 19 years and wouldn't change it for anything as I experience great joy in watching them become amazing young women.  However, now as that phase of my life is done, it is time for me to figure out what it it that I am to do next.

A word that a friend of mine has been using to describe this time in my life is LAUNCH.  My girls are launching into adulthood and I am launching into a life without children.  What does this look like?  The definition of launch is to propel forward, to set into motion, to enter energetically, to make a start.  So I ask myself - what do I want to launch into?

I have been at my current job for 16 years and it has helped me pay for all the necessities of life. is it my calling, most definitely not!  So what is?  I have been on a "heart journey" for the past several years in discovering healing and who I am from the inside out.  I have learned what it means to listen to my heart as I navigate through life.  I know that anything tried by the heart is possible, so where is my heart leading?  What is my passion, where do I get my deepest satisfaction, my peace, my joy?  I know the answer,but am I brave enough to launch into it? Am I fearless enough to venture into this next phase of my life energetically?  These are questions that I am asking myself regularly as I look deep within myself to start fulfilling the dreams within me that I have had for along time.

As I sit here writing this blog, I am at the precipice of launching, of setting into motion the next phase and that is to share my journey.  I have been told numerous times in the past several years that I should write a book.  In fact, this blog was started at the suggestion of a friend to chronicle my journey to draw from later for the said book.  I have started this project more than once with no success,  I have delved into my past (not fun) thinking that is where I start, it is not.  I have pulled excerpts from this blog, but with no coherence so scrapped that as well.  It is through these efforts that I have come to realize that I need to get my head out of the writing and to listen to and follow my heart.

So here I go, I am going to follow my heart and make a start.  I am going to "listen" as I write each word.  I have shared from my heart in a conference setting twice with success and both times I just followed my heart in sharing what I have walked through with raw honesty and vulnerability.  So it is with this same spirit that I will sit at my laptop and share my story in hopes that what I have learned in discovering my greatness and learning to live life wholeheartedly will help others to do the same.  As I write I will also share here how it is going and what I am learning along the way.

Welcome to my journey.  I hope you enjoy the ride.

The Hello and Goodbye Moments

Hello and goodbye in the same moment in time…think about the implications of this in your life.  There are times that I struggle with who I am, whether or not I am living authentically, if the words coming out of my mouth are really reminiscent of the life I am trying to live.  I shared this with a friend and her response was how courageous and vulnerable I am as I share my story, my journey.  How I am leaning into the pain, the uncertainty of my past and not running away, and then moving forward into the future and all the new possibilities…hello and goodbye at the same time.

The emotions of hello and goodbye are very different.  One is the signature of beginnings, the other is an end.  Most people love the hello and all the possibility that comes with it -the birth of a baby, seeing a good friend, meeting someone for the first time, a new job.  All of these experiences hold the expectation of hope and what could be.  While there may be some fear, it usually subsides very quickly as we settle in and enjoy the experience. 

Then there is the goodbye, which usually signifies an ending.  Someone leaving, a change in location, ending a career, sometimes this can be a good thing, but how many times have you said, or heard the phrase, “I hate goodbyes.”   We get comfortable with what is now and at times fear what is to come, the change that is about to take place, sometimes chosen, sometimes not.

When you are on a journey from your head to your heart, to discovering your greatness, the hello and goodbye can both be equally daunting.  There are times the hello is to an emotion or feeling that has been buried so long that you didn’t know it was there and it can knock you right out of your heart!  Other times, it is to a new way of thinking, a new default within yourself, a new way to living life, which can be overwhelming and make you question your very existence.   On the flip side, the goodbye can be one of the most freeing things you will ever say and you allow yourself to lean in and feel deeply to heal, then breathe deep and forge ahead into all you were meant to be.  Yet in truth we often hate the goodbye due to the familiarity of what it offers even though it has served no purpose but to feed the WMD’s (worry, misery, doubt) in our life.

The hello and goodbye practices on your journey to greatness are on either side of a very fine line.  It is necessary to choose the side of the line that brings hope and healing into our lives to propel us into the greatness we were born with and that leads us into our hearts.  This choice is both the hello and goodbye at the same time, the letting go and moving forward at the exact same moment.  I believe this is one of the most courageous acts you can do and you choose to live a life you never know existed. It is the 18 inch journey from head to heart, and discovering you are enough, no matter how dark the present moment.

Fueling the Victim Fire or the Greatness Fire - It's All In the Details

Almost anyone who gets to know me will tell you that I am very detail oriented and remember almost everything!  I can be counted on by friends to provide information of events that happened months prior and can recall conversations and situations as well with flawless detail!  You might think to yourself - what a gift, I would like to be able to do that.  While it may come in handy at times, let me tell you it can also be a downfall...that is unless you know the path to your heart.

There are times, more often that I would like to admit that as I think about my past that I fuel the fires of the "victim" in me and start to blame what has happened to me on what I am feeling, what I can't accomplish, that I am broken and what started out as maybe the flicker of a flame becomes a bonfire that seems insurmountable!  I will go over the details of the past in my mind and justify all that I am feeling in that moment.  I sometimes will stay there for a while and as I do I find myself deeper in the victim role than I want to ever be.  I let the old portfolio of my life have power over who I am today, I give it to much of my time and attention and it overshadows where I am now.

So how do I get out of this and put out the bonfire?   It is by looking deep within my heart and remembering the details of my greatness, As one friend would say to me my "I AM" statements!  I allow myself to become vulnerable,  to feel deeply, but at the same time move into my heart, to tackle the bonfire and douse with the greatness that I know is within me.  I allow the details of good (I am strong, I am inspiring, I am whole, I am brave, I am still standing, I am confident, I am empowered), versus the words of the old portfolio that disputes all those things have any power.

This is how it is done, by living in the NOW, by breathing in who you truly are and your greatness in this very moment.  To not get mired down in the details of who you are not and your old portfolio, but to celebrate who you are now and where you are headed.   Allow the details of your I AM statements become greater in your heart than the statements of who you are not that are in your head.  That fire can only grow if you fuel it by being a victim, instead put out the fire with your greatness instead!

So what are your I AM statements?  Take a moment today and in the week to come to list them out, to fuel your fire of greatness and to douse the fire of victim in your life.  Easy - not always, worth it ALWAYS!