Mud Pit or Mud Spa

So I recently have let myself get bogged down in mud!  My head has had a heyday with me(I let it) telling me I am not capable of presenting at a summit I am attending at the end of this month.  I also have allowed myself to feed the fear of all I have accomplished this past year is going to diminish and I will end up back where I was. Now I know in my heart that none of this is true, but I tried to silence my head and wade in the mud for a few days-becuase we all know it made me feel better-NOT! I even went as far as to make a list of all the things I felt I was not worhty or capable of so I could wallow a little deeper!  I was sure that everything I had written down was true and felt I could prove it-I even had pictures.

So as I sat in my friend's offcie with the purpose of working on my presentation I brought out the list like a kid with a painting they want hung on the fridge!  There was no way I thought she could dispute it, I had back up statements, and like I said pictures!  So I read it to her and you know what happened next-she laughed and said you know better!  One by one she disputed everything I had written-and I argued back-determined to win! She went as far as to call it my s&*t list!  So she asked for it, I brought out the big guns and asked her with certainty what would so & so do! (I was asking her about the founder of the Nurtured Heart Approach ).  Here was her reply, he would say "get out of the mud!"  Not the answer I expected, after all everything I listed I had irrefutable evidence on-or did I?!?

I had allowed myself to became mired in the mud of negativity, of I can't, I am not, I will not... versus I am capable, I have worth, I am greatness.  She then took my list and rewrote all the negative into positive and had me read it in 1st person-very hard to do!  But as I did-not willingly mind you, I started to feel a shift take place.  As I started to see, hear, recognize my greatness once again out loud, my head could not dispute what was being said and my heart was energized.

I discovered once again it really os that simple.  All I neeeded to do in reality was hot the RESET button of my heart and remeber what is true about me that what I do is not my greatness but who i am is!  I have since read the rewrite of that list several times and each time I am energized even more into my heart and mu greatness! 

Here is the best part of all of this...the circumstances did not change-but I did.  I went back deep into my heart, into my gratness and with determination made the mud pit a mud spa!  What a difference, I was able to feel amazing the entire day and even share with others what it means to live in your greatness!

So I challenge you...mud pit or mud spa...it really is your choice and the outcome when you choose the spa is amazing!

Living...Or Just Not Dying?

I saw the movie The Croods this week.  I normally do not go see animated movies as my children are teenagers, but was invited to go with the girl scout troop I will be a part of in the Fall.  It was a good movie about a family, but what is amazing is this, the family moved from fear to fearlessness by the end of the story. 

There was a line in the movie that has resonated with me for the past several days, "that wasn't really living, that was just not dying."  What does this mean really?  We all go through the motions of day to day life almost effortlessly and without thinking.  But, what if we were to stop and notice the life that is happening around us each day, what impact would it have on us?  What if when life throws us curve balls that we intentionally learned how to hit them versus dodging them? 

I spent many years just not dying.  Life went on around me and I did not participate.  As a result of this I ended up in a place of self loathing, anxiety, fear, hopelessness.  I was not living, I was not noticing life, I dodged all the curved balls I could.  There were times that I tried to live, only to sink back into the pit of despair.  In the movie, the father figure said throughout, "always be afraid"  "fear is good"  "fear keeps you alive."  But does it really? 

I discovered in the past 18 months that fear does not lead to living life, however being fearless does!  Living in fear really is no more than letting the thoughts in your head have control over you.  Believing the thoughts of hopelessness, fear, worthlesness is what keeps you in the pit.  However, as you choose to make the journey to your heart and start to listen to what it has to say the fear begins to subside and true life happens.  When the family in the movie met a person who lived life with hope, with courage, with no fear, they at first resisted, but soon discovered all that life had to offer.  They moved from their heads to their hearts and as a result they started living. 

I would love to be able to say to you that I live each day fearlessly...but I cannot.  I allow at times my head to lead me in my day and the result is always the same, I end the day with hopelessness.  But, the good news is that this is a journey!  A bad day does not mean it is over, it means that you are still learning, growing, living.  Being able to recognize this and make the choice to go back to your heart is fearlessness!    We are all on this journey together of learning to live fearlessly in our hearts and to shut down the voice in our head  that can be stress, tiredness, fear, negativity.  What makes the journey so amazing is when we are able to tap into the positive aspects of our hearts such as courage, fearlessness, hope, passion, this when when the dying stops and the lving begins!

So I challenge you, are you living?  Are you each day choosing to shut down the neagative in your head and start listening to the positive in your heart?  Take this journey with me and start living a life you onlu dreamed possible!

What In Your Heart? Make It Happen!

When I woke up this morning I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with life!  So I went on my morning run to clear my head and to move back into my heart.  An hour later a calmness had settled in and my heart was back in control of my day.

As a result of this happening, something started to take place in me I haven't felt in a while!  I don't know if it is because I am thinking about and preparing for a presentation I make in June on my journey over the last 18 months, or if I am in tune today more than usual in what my heart is staying leading me to do. Today my heart is "talking" to me more than anything about my vision, my calling, what I KNOW I am supposed to be doing.

I am in the process of wrting a book based on this blog.  I have stopped/started several times over the past couple of months and let my head tell me that I have nothing to say, but I do.  You see, I made a decision about 18 months ago to take back my life.  To stop letting life happen to me, to stop going through the motions and to make life hapen, to pursue with everything in me the the person I am meant to be, to allow the GREATNESS in me to be awakened and to live life like never before.  This will be the theme of my book.  I believe that there are others who need to be awakened to the GREATNESS that is in them and I know that what has happened in my life others can experience as well! 

This is also what I am going to get the privilege to share at a summit in June.  How going from wanting to end my life to living a life I never though was possible.  This happened as I allowed myself to listen to my heart and to "turn off" the voice in my head that said I was not good enough, not worthy, incapable.

The other dream I have is to be able to share my story with others as a personal trainer!  As a result of my heart journey, I was able to lose 150 lbs in the past 18 months.  This is a direct result of listening to my heart that I had GREATNESS in me and was fearless and could do anything I set my heart to do!  I know that others can start a journey to physical wellness, but it has to start in the heart.  I am just a regular person who followed her heart and made it happen!

So as a result of my heart "chattering" away today, I am going to make these two things happen within the next six months to a year.  I am excited for the new journey I am embarking upon and look forward to sharing with all of you who read this blog the process and steps along the way.

But now, I challenge you!  What is in your heart?  What dream, vision have you had for a while that burns deep within you?  What is stopping you from making it happen?  Stop and listen...what is your heart telling you?  Do not listen to the head that says you can't because of time, finances, or any other hinderence.  What is in your heart it meant to happen...listen.  It can happen, I believe it, let's go on this journey together!

Do You See Your Greatness

Where do you see greatness?  Think about this question for a moment.  Do you see it in your family, your friends, coworkers?  The real question is do you see it in yourself? 

I have a friend that the word "greatness" is a normal part of her vocabulary.  She uses it in everyday conversation about herself and others.  It is not presumptious when she tells you she sees your greatness, or she recognizes her greatness, because it is her way of life.  When I spend time with this person I feel empowered, that I can accomplish anything!  She consistently recognizes my victories in life-no matter how small.  Even when I try to undermine myself, she brings it back to my greatness and what I have done and what I will do.  She often says that what you see in others, you already possess, that is why I know she sees and lives in her greatness daily because of what she so easily recognizes in others.

So I ask you (and myself) do you see the greatness in you and can you recognize it in others?  Truth of the matter is, if you see it in others, you see it in yourself!  Sounds simple doesn't it.  But, not only do you need to see it in yourself, you need to accept it.  Let me demonstrate...

I recently received a note of greatness from an 11 year old girl.  In her note she told me how much fun I was to be around, how kind, how positive and how I inspire her.  When I read the note my heart was overwhelmed and full as I was truly humbled that I could touch the heart of a child in this way. Her greatness recognized my greatness and an amazing interaction took place. But it is what happened next that is truly profound.

The following week, I hit a wall of negative emotion.  I was tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, and saw not one ounce of greatness in myself!!  You would think after getting such a note the week before that I would remember who I was and be able to shake the negativity off, but I wasn't.

I met with my counselor and shared all my frustration.  In the course of our discussion, I pulled out the note and  shared it with her and she had me do something that was ackward and difficult, read it in first person.  I struggled, I cannot say these words about myself!  But she persisted, so I did and boy was it difficult.  So, got through it, but then she said for the next week I want you to read this aloud in the first person everyday.  Internally I groaned, but agreed.  Over the days that followed I was amazed at how energized Ifelt!  How the cares of earlier that week semed to dissipate.  How I was able to hear my heart so much better and what it was saying versus my head and what it was saying.  In addition, I was able to recognize not only my greatness but see it in others as well.  I came to understand more fully the statement that what you see in others you also see in yourself, these words now took hold in my heart!

Here is what is truly incredible that I was was reminded-by an amazing 11 year old, that greatness is a part of my life and how I live, I just needed to see it for myself and not just go through the motions. What she saw in me was greatness, I just needed to see it for myself!  So I ask you again...do you see your own greatness?  Trust me, once you do and accept it, a new perspective will come into play and you will look at yourself differently, I know I do.

Living on the Edge of Your Heart - Revisited

NOTE:  I posted this on Thursday 1/17/13 but was challenged to rewrite with some details of what has been going on to give a clearer picture of what I leanred and why it was so impactful.  So fearlessly here I go.

I HAVE BEEN DATING!!!!  Okay now that that is out in the open let me proceed.

I recently made the discovery while I make it a daily choice to live in my greatness and stay in my heart that instead I have been lving on the outer edges of my heart. What does this mean exactly? For me this means that I know all the right things to do, I exercise, I eat right, I stay away from neagativity, I keep a strong support system of positive people, but yet I struggled with errant emotions that would leave me feeling like I would take one step forward and two steps back.

I have had challenges at work, at home, in my personal life lately that seem to at times overwhelm me or cause me to question my growth and what I really believe. I would always come full circle, know the truth about my greatness, about who I am and then be fine for a day or two to only end up back in what I call the 'in-between" place. It is here in this place halfway between head and heart that I would begin to question and the WMD's (worry, misery, doubt) would take hold. It would leave me questioning, have I really come as far as I thought?

As I was in this "in-between" place I started to look for what was truly putting me there and how to overcome it and be fully in my heart. Let's just say that over the past six weeks there have been some adventures in my personal life that have left me with questions of who I am.  I have after 16 years started to date.  This is a big step for me as I am for the first time dating with my heart not my head and allowing myself to feel emotions I haven't felt before. I have not dated at all since I divorced 16 years ago and through this process I have discovered some things about myself that were quite surprising.  As I have learned to live in my greatenss, be confident in who I am and finally lost weight I have become attractive to men once again.(just a side note, while being fit and healthy is important, knowing who you are and living your life with confidence is what I really believe attracts men-just saying )   There have been some interesting encounters that surprised even me and awakened emotions and feelings that I have not had to face since I started on my journey to greatness.  Beside all the struggles with accepting my femininity, there are the challenges of the physical aspect of the relationship as well. Not having dated or been involved with anybody for so long has presented challenges that at 50 years of age I would not think I would be facing!   These things left me with questions, at times confusion and put me in that half way place between head and heart as I waded through figuring out what my boundaries are, how far to go, how fast to "dive in", what is my worth, what I have to offer, and the list could go on.

As I had a short-lived realtionship, and have gone on dates I began to question myself and what I was doing wrong, who I was, and what did I really believe in.  I resorted to name-calling (me calling myself unsavory names), thinking of myself as "lost", thinking that I "should be farther than this" and believing that I had no boundaries and attaching shame to decisions I was making.

I was challenged by a friend to give myself time to gain hindsight so I did. This is an exercise that used to take days, but now as I try to live with clarity it only took hours as I listed out all I did versus all I learned and what I discovered about myself in the process. It was here that I discovered that I was not disappointed in myself but rather what I thought others would think and that reaction if they knew made me question myself.  In a nutshell, I allowed the WMD's to have a prominent place in my heart and as a result there wasn't room for me!

I was so worried about, what if they only knew, or the person or two that did know what were they really thinking, that I did not allow myself to see my life, my actions, my growth process through my heart but rather my head, and at times from the "in-between" area between the two.  So with this realization I could either allow the WMD's to stay or serve an eviction notice!

I chose the eviction notice immediately. All of a sudden, I kid you not, the haze was lifted and I settled back into my heart. In this simple eviction act I made the discovery that the WMD's are only powerful if you give them power! Once I took back the power I had surrendered the perspective of the past six weeks the decisions I was making came into focus and I was able to see where I had grown and the next steps I would take.  I realized my limitations, that I was not a bad person, and nothing is wrong with me.  Through this process I realized that every decision I make be it good or bad still needs to be filtered through my heart in order for me to see what I need to learn from it and to provide clarity and perspective.  That this is a process and that as I enter the world of dating with the hopes of finding a soul mate there are going to be many opportunities for growth and that each person who crosses my path is an opportunity for me to learn, to set boundaries, to accept who I am and to see and accept what I have to offer them not just what they offer me.

I was living on the edges of my heart, not really in my head, but not fully in my heart either. I was afraid-there I said it, to fully allow my heart to engage so I was making decisions based on emotions, and what felt good and at times pushing away what my heart was telling me. Once the shift took place, I ended up with one of the best days I have had in a while, and not just emotionally but with my whole being and with a certainty of who I am. I started to hear what my heart was saying once again and to see and accept my greatness! You see once you settle into your heart does not mean you will not be challenged, but when you discover your greatness you never lose it, it is ALWAYS there. You have the tools to step back, evaluate, and in a short period of time get back to the place of peace, clarity, and growth.

So I challenge you. What is it you are struggling with that has caused you to move from your heart? What new journey are you on that may be causing you to question your greatness? Have the WMD's taken up space in your heart, are you in that "in-between" place? Take a moment to step back and learn from hindsight and be reminded of who you really are. It is only there, in your heart, your greatness that you can truly be content.

Living on the Edge of Your Heart

I recently made the discovery while I make it a daily choice to live in my greatness and stay in my heart that instead I have been lving on the outer edges of my heart.  What does this mean exactly?  For me this means that I know all the right things to do, I exercise, I eat right, I stay away from neagativity, I keep a strong support system of positive people, but yet I struggled with errant emotions that would leave me feeling like I would take one step forward and two steps back.

I have had challenges at work, at home, in my personal life lately that seem to at times overwhelm me or cause me to question my growth and what I really believe.  I would always come full circle, know the truth about my greatness, about who I am and then be fine for a day or two to only end up back in what I call the 'in-between" place. It is here in this place halfway between head and heart that I would begin to question and the WMD's (worry, misery, doubt) would take hold.  It would leave me questioning, have I really come as far as I thought?

As I was in this "in-between" place I started to look for what was putting me there and how to overcome it and be fully in my heart. Let's just say that over the past six weeks I have had some adventures in my personal life that has left me with questions of who I am.  There have been some interesting encounters that surprised even me and awakened emotions and feelings that I have not had to face since I started on my journey to greatness.  These things left me with questions, at times confusion and put me in that half way place between head and heart.

I was challenged by a friend to give myself time to gain hindsight so I did. This is an exercise that used to take days, but now as I try to live with clarity it only took  hours as I listed out all I did versus all I learned and what I discovered about myself in the process.  It was here that I discovered that I was not disappointed in myself but rather what I thought others would think.  In a nutshell, I allowed the WMD's to have a prominent place in my heart and as a result there wasn't room for me!

I was so worried about, what if they only knew, or the person or two that did know what were they really thinking, that I did not allow myself to see my life, my actions, my growth process through my heart but rather my head, and at times from the "in-between" area between the two.  So with this realization I could either allow the WMD's to stay or serve an eviction notice!

I chose the eviction notice immediately.  All of a sudden, I kid you not, the haze was lifted and I settled back into my heart.  In this simple eviction act I made the discovery that the WMD's are only powerful if you give them power!  Once I took back the power I had surrendered the perspective of the past six weeks came into focus and I was able to see where I had grown and the next steps I would take.

I was living on the edges of my heart, not really in my head, but not fully in my heart either.  Once the shift took place, I ended up with one of the best days I have had in a while, and not just emotionally but with my whole being and with a certainty of who I am. You see once you settle into your heart does not mean you will not be challenged, but when you discover your greatness you never lose it, it is ALWAYS there.  You have the tools to step back, evaluate, and in a short period of time get back to the place of peace, clarity, and growth.

So I challenge you.  Have the WMD's taken up space in your heart, are you in that "in-between" place?  Take a moment to step back and learn from hindsight and be reminded of who you really are.  It is only there, in your heart, your gretaness that you can truly be content.

When Tried by the Heart

Anything tried by the heart can happen!  This is a statement that has been said to me often by a friend is the past year.  What does this mean?  Are you to follow the whim of your emotions?  No, instead what is your heart telling you to do, how is it leading?  Your heart is where your greatness lies.  It is where that dream, that goal, that vision you have dwells.

I have learned that when you filter life through your heart you are much braver, have much more confidence, are willing to take a chance. Things may not always end up exactly how you thought they should, but just stepping out, allowing your heart to lead makes you stronger, makes you better and prepares you for the next challenge.

Over the past year my heart has come to life in a way I never thought possible.  I have learned how to accept and love myself, to rise up to challenges that seemed impossible, to be brave and most of all to discover the greatness that has been in me all my life just waiting to be tapped into.

In addition, I now take risks that allow me to stretch, to grow and in the process discover things about me that I didn't know were there. You see living in your greatness is all about listening to your heart and using your heart as the filter for what you do.

When you allow your heart to be your guide there is no goal, no dream, no vision that cannot be accomplished!  Others may say to you that it can't be done, but when you filter those statements through your heart you discover they are wrong and anything tried by the heart can happen!

So I set this challenge before you.  What do you want to accomplish?  What is the dream, the vision that has been tucked away that needs to brought out and accomplished.  Everytime you set your heart to do somehting you will discover that what you set out to do and more will happen.  I kid you not, this is true!  I have accomplished more in my life in the past 12 months than I did in the previous 12 years! 

What is you heart leading you to so?  Are you listening?  You were born with greatness!  You are brave, courageous, fearless!  Step out, listen to your heart, let it be your filter for life and discover a new way of living.